A Day in the Life of Edward and Bella: A Bowl of Cap'n Crunch
by lonely2011
Summary: What if Bella decided to eat Cap'n Crunch for breakfast. Could Vampire hearing take it? We shall see ;)


**I don't own Twilight or its characters. If I did I'd be stinking rich and could afford lots if mini cakes. (Private joke).**

**What if Bella decided to eat Cap'n Crunch for breakfast. Could Vampire hearing take it? We shall see ;) ...…...**

Bella wakes up early, refreshed from a good night's sleep in Edward's comfotable bed after a Bella Barbie session with the cyclone that is Alice.

Though Rosalie and Bella have made their peace, she still finds she is not as close to her as she would like to be. Bella being Bella wants everyone to be her friend and it truly hurts her when someone doesn't like her.

Her thoughts turn to the night before. The strained laughter and the bad jokes. Bella made a pretty funny joke and had the entire house laughing but after that she began trying too hard and found it more awkward and miserable than anything else. She was hoping to build on the laughter that began but was never able to complete the task.

She went to bed in Edward's arms as usual. This was the only way she could sleep now. Edward didn't seem to mind. He found her sleep talking and embarrassing occasional bouts of flatulence hilarious. Chili dogs are no laughing matter. She suspected Emmette and Jasper were to blame. When she became a newborn there would be hell to pay.

After a long and relaxingly hot shower, Bella quickly dresses in a pair of black skinny jeans, a dark navy, long-sleeved shirt and a navy hoodie. And of course her favorite Tweety Bird sneakers she bought from the Looney Toons Store **(I miss my Tweety Bird sneakers, I bought them at the St. Louis Galleria in the 90's sigh)**.

She loved the outfit because it was comfortable, it was warm and practical, but most of all and after the knight if hell and awkward moments she knew this was the only way to piss Alice off. She grins evilly to herself. And carefully makes her way down the stairs. Bella being Bella is clumsy to the point of being disabled. I mean who trips on air? Bella does. That was a rhetorical question if course but come on...seriously...who?

She finally, after what feels like forever, makes her way down the steps (only tripping once) and into the kitchen to see a somewhat annoyed looking Edward and Alice having another silent conversation.

"Uh Bella. Please tell me that's not what you're wearing today?" Annoying vampire pixy.

"Yes Alice. It's comfortable and practical and..." Alice quickly cuts her off.

"And you know it annoys the hell out if me." She taps the index finger on her left hand against her left temple. Bella glowers at Alice but doesn't deny anything.

"Well kiddies. I've got errands to run so I'll be back later this afternoon." And with that Alice flashes an adorable yet curiously questionable smile and zips out of the kitchen like the hounds of hell are chasing her.

Bella quickly turns her suspicious looking glance towards Edward who's scowling at the space Alice once occupied. He sighs heavily and heads to the fridge.

Bella smiles sweetly at Edward.

"Edward what's with you and Alice today?"

Edward sighs loudly. His brow creasing as he pinches the bridge of his nose. "Nothing. Alice is just being her annoying self."

Bella isn't buying it but decides not to push seeing as he is more annoyed than usual. She made a mental note to ask Alice later since she knew Annoyed-ward would never tell her.

"What do you want for breakfast? I could make you some Cream of Wheat or oatmeal? Or how about some eggs? Please let me make you some eggs?"

Now she was really suspicious. Edward knows she can't stand oatmeal unless it's in a cookie. The mere thought of eating something that looks like baby vomit with brown sugar and rat turd looking raisins almost made her gag.

Glaring suspisouly at Edward. "No thanks. I'm in the mood for Cap'n Crunch this morning." Bella smiles innocently and adoringly at Edward; an evil plot forming in her head. How to get back at a vampire mate for a terrible night of "Bella Barbie"?

Bella slowly makes her way over to the pantry to get the cereal but Edward is in front if her before she realizes he's moved.

"You know sugary cereals aren't good for a young, growing human." Bella glares at Edward.

"I don't eat it all the time. In fact I'm lucky if I eat it once a week or more."

"More than I'd like." Edward whispers but only loud enough for vampire hearing.

"What?"

"Nothing." Edward sighs and stomps slowly over to the chair opposite Of where Bella usually sits.

Bella grabs a bowl from the cupboard and a spoon from the utensil's drawer ands heads over to the table. The milk is already on the table next to the box if Cap'n Crunch Bella insistes on eating.

Spoon in hand, Bella begins to crunch loudly.

Munch...chomp...munch...smack. Bella smiles as if she heard a funny piece of gossip.

Eward sighs loudly. "Uh? Bella? Can you please stop smacking so loudly? I can't concentrate?"

Bella looks up from her bowl of cereal to see Edward glaring at her angrily; his vampire hearing making her crunching much worse than is even fair.

Sniff...smack...slurp..."What?...did...you...say...something...Ed...ward?"

Crunch...slurp...slurp...sniff...  
Edward sighs louder and longer. "I ..." Sigh. "Can you please...

Slurp...crunch...slurp...

"PLEASE! Can you just stop! GOD DAMNIT BELLA! SHIT!"

"Stop...what...Ed...ward? What's wrong..." Slurp... "With you..." Sniff...sniff...slurp... "This morning?" Chomp...chomp...chomp...

Though he loves her more than life itself, if looks could kill, Bella would have burst into flames and become ashes at that very moment.

Bella continues to eat and smile. Edward glares harder now becoming suspicious of her motive.

Edward's eyes began turning black with anger.

Jasper comes in searching for Alice; deep in thought he hadn't noticed Bella was eating. Suddenly he hears and sees all and quickly dashes out of the room but not before giving Edward a sympathetic look. He chuckles. 'Sorry Edward. You're on your own.' Jasper thought.

Edward growls low enough for only Jasper to hear. "I'm so getting you back for this Japer and tell Alice she won't see what I have in store for her coming. If I have to involve the wolves so she can't see then so be it."

Jasper laughs, growls and snorts.

"I'm going hunting with everyone else!" Jasper yells for Bella's benefit. The last thing he needed was for Edward to find a way to keep him there before Bella's through eating.

"I have to go hunting I'll be back later." Edward says quickly and runs out only to be stopped by Bella's voice.

"Edward...?" Slurp...crunch...smack...snort...! "I thought you went hunting yesterday?" The wicked glint in her eyes returning. She had him and he knew it.

Edward came back into the kitchen looking defeated.

"Yes but one can never be too careful."

"I suppose..." Slurp...slurp...slurp...crunch... "So. Can we..." Sniff...snort...slurp...slurp... "Go to the meadow today?"

"Anything you want." He said, grabbing the bowl from her hands at vampire speed, dumping the remaining contents down the garbage disposal.

"Hey! I was eating that!"

"You were almost done."

Bella didn't answer. She could never understand why he got so annoyed when she ate but not didn't seem to be bothered by a cafeteria filled with children who had worse table manners than she. Perhaps she would ask him but for now she just relished the thought she had a weapon against him so when he turned into his usual annoying emu self she could annoy him right back.

Pay back's a bitch. Next time he'll think twice about letting Alice and Rosalie play "Bella Barbie". Evil grin.

**...…...**

**A/N: I hope you like this story. It's short but funny. I use this tactic all of the time with my older Sister because sometimes it's just the younger Sister's duty to piss people off. Plus her reaction is funny as hell. Please review. I like CONSTRUCTIVE criticsm and not plain cruelty.**


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